death will give us back to god

piccies!

2006-11-06T22:12:24Z

everything has changed so much. i look so different i act so different my life is so different.

so here are pics of me, my partner, and some various other beasts.

why yes, those are my nipples....teeheee it was folsom after all...

yeah see those scratches? i did those three days before.

i'm awesome :)

ooh ooh ooh!!!! and also, if you are into goth/industrial/bdsm and are in the south bay, come to my meetup!!!

every tuesday at the coffee society in the pruneyard (next to the theater). 9PM, it normally last untill 11 or midnight. really fun, a bunch of cool people just talking and drinking coffee.

so come. spread the word. :)

ive been ignoring my lj

2006-11-06T20:23:29Z

but things have come to a breaking point.

this last two weeks has been literally been thing after another and it never ends.

first- botched knife play. i am now COVERED in permanent scars
second- acquaintance rape
thrid- kicked out of tpk
forth- banned from BaGG
fifth- fired from my job
sixth- overdrawn on my checking account and no source of income to fix it
seventh- car gets stolen and it contains all my clothes, most of my makeup, and all my medicine.
eighth- jason is mad at me and i think raven is too

in about a week and a half. i am fucked.

i need a job.

but i dont have a car to drive me to pick up applications or even clothes to wear to an interview.

i dont know what to do.

sleep. i just want to lie in bed until this all blows over.

who likes impressions?

2006-08-01T06:39:59Z

yeah?

okay, heres my parents.

"hey sarah, i dont give a fuck you're eighteen, youre curfew is still 12, and oh yeah you still cant get your college fund so you cant move out and we still hate you"

yeah. im thinking either strychnine or ricin, yeah? sounds good? i think so.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

12 minutes left.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-29T15:29:00

2006-07-29T22:30:03Z

my birthday party is tonight.

im excited.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-25T09:20:00

2006-07-25T16:20:28Z

in america, they drive on right side of road like this. in communist russia, no one can hear you scream because it is cold and the blood inside their ears is frozen and red and hard like ice. fairytale blood ice.

america.

unilateral. unicameral. unitarian. urinal. ahahahahaha

eu-phoria/dys-phoria. u-topia/dys-topia. eu-phemism/dys-phemism. eu-logy/dys-logy. i am glad you died. you sucked. for seriously.

i saw two children fighting in the street today. aged about 6 years old. their parents tied razors to their wrists and ankles and they bet on them.

hit him in the nose.

i hate you mom. pass the rum.

hallelujah.

spinning spinning spinning special machinery

i am in love

2006-07-22T18:06:28Z

tonight we have work together then we are going to go starwatching.
then tomorrow i am going to meet his family and we are all going to raging waters!

everyday is better than the last.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-20T14:57:00

2006-07-20T21:58:42Z

my life is so perfect. he is so perfect for me. i am so perfect for him. everything is perfect.

its hot in my house.

chris is at work so i am at home. learned how to play "paint it black", watched some porn, listened to the Good Life. now i am bored.

sleepy.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-19T06:05:00

2006-07-19T13:06:41Z

we've been together for six days.

how is it possible? we already know eachother so well.

my mom told my dad they were gonna get married after they had dated only three weeks.

queer indeed.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-06T10:46:00

2006-07-06T18:00:47Z

i overdosed on sleeping pills last night. i went to the emergency room.

before you ask, i wasnt trying to kill myself. no i just wanted to sleep. i wanted to sleep really well, so i took a couple more than i should have. my last intention was to hurt myself

my dad wouldnt believe me that i had only taken that. he was like WHAT did you TAKE?!!?!?

when i got to the hospital i was like- "i NEED to get drug tested" so my parents will believe me. i dont even think i have weed in my system.

horrible hallucinations. they gave me ativan so the hallucinations wouldnt scare me so much and so i could fall asleep.

it made the hallucinations nicer, but they just became more believable. for the longest time, i was talking to yasma, but whenever i looked at her, she was my mom. as soon as i would turn away, shed be yasma agian.

a lot of people were talking to me who werent there. i kept smoking cigarettes that werent there.

somehow i got home and fell asleep.

im afraid of how this is going to affect my relationship with my parents. this is fucking horrible.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-05T13:16:00

2006-07-05T20:18:21Z

went to drop my class today. took the placement test. however, before the test, i had a coffee with a shot of espresso.

and then i start feeling SICK. like my whole body is tingling my heart is racing my teeth are grinding.

from caffeine.

what the hell.

ive had 4 espressos one after the other before and felt fine.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

i feel shitty. im gonna play guitat and take a nap.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-07-03T13:39:00

2006-07-03T20:40:34Z

whenever someone says- "now if we do happen to kiss tonight...not saying that we will....."

you are definatly going to kiss that night.
yup.

joint cheifs of staff

2006-06-30T07:40:26Z

i am amazed at your veiw of life cause i feel like i was there when i most certainly was not

patronising before but SO serious now.

life goes on, it is hard to realise that NOTHING is static, everything changes every second and even the things that do not change, your perspective of them will change and then it will thus be changed because it will be changed in your eyes.

nothing is static. everything always shifting. like a bucket of water, time is still time and SEEMS the same, but infintesimally it chnges (because we are all each infintesimal) each molecule in a different orientation ech second. every second that bucket of water will never be the same as it had ever been in any other second of all of history.

but in the grand sceme of things, if you zoom out far enough, it is still..just a pail of water.

this is how life is and its hard for me to come to terms with.

things will ALWAYS change. nothing can ever stay the same. time will still be TIME just like the bucket will still be the bucket, but nothing can ever stay still. ever.

its hard. and i will never be there. i cannot see the past intimately if i was never there.

does this even make any sense at all? i am drunk.

but i DO mean it though. its sad.

i wish i could live in the past. my time is running out.

i give myself at most three years.

and i too, will no longer be static.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-30T00:17:00

2006-06-30T07:19:44Z

the world so full of unpleasantries, only one solvent can wash it away.

and i let it. and i did tonight.

just saw Boys Dont Cry. yeah. maye that would be one of those aforementioned unpleasantries.

and i think yasma is really mad at me (and she has the right to be)

and so i try to dissolve dissolve dissolve.

dissssssssssssssssssssssssssssolve

(wait, why is the emoticon for "distressed" a smile?)

i entitle this- i see the glass as half full....with vomit

2006-06-28T20:06:35Z

nothing like stomch flu/food poisoning to help you lose a couple pounds for bikini weather.

and that my friends, we call looking on the bright side.

and hey, with the way this fever is making me hallucinate, its like getting high for free. and the stumbling and delerium is a close match for being drunk.

yes yes, i'd have to say that this is mighty fine.

btw this was completely tongue in cheek, just in case the sarcasm doesnt translate across the intarweb (and it often doesnt)

have you ever noticed...

2006-06-28T08:32:34Z

that in EVERY indie movie the kid calls his parents by their first names and has sex with people way older than them?

...........just saying. it always happens.

Ephesians 5:18

2006-06-27T07:59:36Z

18 "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit

i feel like a hypocrite.

im gonna go eat some pizza.

i liked this.

2006-06-26T07:34:19Z

Hello

My orientation is

active, activist, beautiful, bitch, brunette, dominant, extrovert, female, femme, femme-loving/fucking, friendly, grrl, hella gay, homoflexible, LGBT, left-brained, lesbian, lipstick lesbian, out, passionate, pervert, pro-sex feminist, quirky, radical

What's yours?

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-25T23:22:00

2006-06-26T06:25:37Z

im a prop comic.

sub pop records = :)

booze?

Madonna has failed to sell out the first night of her British tour.
failure

gnarls barkley

dancing. im wearing glasses.

did i mention gnarls barkley? cause i did.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-24T02:49:00

2006-06-24T09:54:02Z

ok so...we went to shady acres. hung out for a bit.

then watched hills have eyes at amy's.

then saw boondock saints midnight movie and we literally filled an entire row all of us. i was like DAMN. i didnt know anyone except me and laura were going but like EVERYONE we knew was there!

HELLA FUN NIGHT. and sober. amazing.

i had a coffee and espresso (best drink ever. black of course) how did no one else think of this before. but i dont think i can sleep.

which segues(pretty sure i spelled that right) into the fact that its 3am and i am leaving for pride at around 10 tomorrow.

which segues into HOLY SHIT I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO GO TO PRIDE SINCE I WAS 10! i am BEYOND excited. you have no idea.

and THAT segues into holy shit i am soooooo sexually frusterated now i am even finding some males attractive. weird. all i know is if my UGLY ASS DYKE co-worker can get some at last years pride, this mildly attractive femme lesbian should be able to get something tomorrow.

just saying.

so excited.

best weekend of all summer? oh, i think so.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-22T23:14:00

2006-06-23T06:18:24Z

the world is a weird and confusing place when i find a guy attractive. it is a very very rare occurance (considering the fact that im basically attracted to EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD), but it happens.

and it is VERY weird.

it was 102 degrees today. ghey. my house is like 90 degrees right now at 11pm.

ugh.

sweat all over.

my shirt is nice. it shows my tits :) i like it.

i need a girlfriend like woah.

what i learned at starbucks today...

2006-06-21T15:14:55Z

i learned one of two things (or maybe both)...
1. its a gay gay gay world
or
2. gays love starbucks

source: going to starbucks, the cashier complimenting me on my lesbian shirt and then handing me my change like this:

not exactly, but you get the idea...

---------
in other news, someone TP'd my house last night. like, all of it.
my parents think its my friends because it is the kind of thing someone who is not sober would do...

hmmmmmmmm...today is for sleuthery.

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-18T17:06:00

2006-06-19T00:09:05Z

i really hate the stereotype of the lesbian with short hair, because in honesty, most of them look shitty.

but i really really want to shave PART of my head. ONLY part. im not sure though.

mohawk. chelsea. undercut with dog ears.

i am not sure. suggestions?

guys gone wild: the update

2006-06-19T00:00:36Z

okay so the DAY AFTER i write a blog about guys gone wild, i see it at a store for the first time.

so im at rasputin, and i see a gay dvd section (not porn bitches, like "but im a cheerleader" and shit)

and there i see it- "guys gone wild"

i was hella right. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

the simple things are the best in life

2006-06-18T10:15:42Z

when i am up late at night weird things happen.

like "guys gone wild"commercials. (btw, click on the link and look at the first of the "uncensored pictures". oh yeah, that’s hot)

drunk tan muscular frat boys (the last four of which are insults by the way) getting naked, rubbing their muscles, showing their penii. oh hell to the no. you want to look away but its like a car accident. there is bleeding and spines poking out of necks and you want to puke but you keep on looking.

….and then i realise that these guys all think hot bitches are gonna be buying the videos and masterbating or whatever.

but really its 40 year old gay men. jerking off to them.

and that’s what i call justice and that makes the world alright. mwahahahahahahahahaha

lollipopandscar @ 2006-06-18T00:56:00

2006-06-18T08:00:22Z

when im in a bad mood i should do as follows:

1. make a conscious decision to stop moping
2. think, "what makes me happy?"
3. do that

right now, its listen to twee pop, fold origami, watch tv.
coffee also would make me happy right now, but its my dad's birthday tomorrow and i should sleep now and not through it.

my parents are up right now. it may be the first time in their lives they've ever stayed up this late. yup.

i still feel mopey. i need to crank up the indie pop and origami.