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death will give us back to god [entries|friends|calendar]
my name is suha

my name is sarah. my interests include coffee, dada, track lighting, radio plays, and 1920's murder mysteries.

i sleep on a couch, not a bed

because thats whats artists do

i am better and worse than you.

i like electro, post rock, psychobilly, experimental, noise, industrial, indie, basically anything any college radio station worth its salt would have.

some other interests of mine would include:
x parties
x my friends
x driving at night
x black coffee
x mario kart
x children’s books
x urban exploration
x dada
x walking to lietz
x zombie movies
x my fuckin car
x watching horror movies with friends
x gay pride parades
x obscure knowledge
x dance parties
x sobriety
x drunken debauchery
x big libraries
x chemistry

my myspace

This layout was created for the sixth round of the Last Layout Standing contest by volonte. Available at
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

piccies! [Nov 6th]
everything has changed so much. i look so different i act so different my life is so different.

so here are pics of me, my partner, and some various other beasts.

Read more...Collapse )

ooh ooh ooh!!!! and also, if you are into goth/industrial/bdsm and are in the south bay, come to my meetup!!!

every tuesday at the coffee society in the pruneyard (next to the theater). 9PM, it normally last untill 11 or midnight. really fun, a bunch of cool people just talking and drinking coffee.

so come. spread the word. :)



ive been ignoring my lj [Nov 6th]
[ mood | melancholy ]

but things have come to a breaking point.

this last two weeks has been literally been thing after another and it never ends.

first- botched knife play. i am now COVERED in permanent scars
second- acquaintance rape
thrid- kicked out of tpk
forth- banned from BaGG
fifth- fired from my job
sixth- overdrawn on my checking account and no source of income to fix it
seventh- car gets stolen and it contains all my clothes, most of my makeup, and all my medicine.
eighth- jason is mad at me and i think raven is too

in about a week and a half. i am fucked.

i need a job.

but i dont have a car to drive me to pick up applications or even clothes to wear to an interview.

i dont know what to do.

sleep. i just want to lie in bed until this all blows over.


who likes impressions? [Jul 31st]

okay, heres my parents.

"hey sarah, i dont give a fuck you're eighteen, youre curfew is still 12, and oh yeah you still cant get your college fund so you cant move out and we still hate you"

yeah. im thinking either strychnine or ricin, yeah? sounds good? i think so.


12 minutes left.

[Jul 29th]
my birthday party is tonight.

im excited.

[Jul 25th]
in america, they drive on right side of road like this. in communist russia, no one can hear you scream because it is cold and the blood inside their ears is frozen and red and hard like ice. fairytale blood ice.


unilateral. unicameral. unitarian. urinal. ahahahahaha

eu-phoria/dys-phoria. u-topia/dys-topia. eu-phemism/dys-phemism. eu-logy/dys-logy. i am glad you died. you sucked. for seriously.

i saw two children fighting in the street today. aged about 6 years old. their parents tied razors to their wrists and ankles and they bet on them.

hit him in the nose.

i hate you mom. pass the rum.


spinning spinning spinning special machinery

i am in love [Jul 22nd]
tonight we have work together then we are going to go starwatching.
then tomorrow i am going to meet his family and we are all going to raging waters!

everyday is better than the last.

[Jul 20th]
[ mood | happy ]

my life is so perfect. he is so perfect for me. i am so perfect for him. everything is perfect.

its hot in my house.

chris is at work so i am at home. learned how to play "paint it black", watched some porn, listened to the Good Life. now i am bored.



[Jul 19th]
we've been together for six days.

how is it possible? we already know eachother so well.

my mom told my dad they were gonna get married after they had dated only three weeks.

queer indeed.

[Jul 6th]
i overdosed on sleeping pills last night. i went to the emergency room.

before you ask, i wasnt trying to kill myself. no i just wanted to sleep. i wanted to sleep really well, so i took a couple more than i should have. my last intention was to hurt myself

my dad wouldnt believe me that i had only taken that. he was like WHAT did you TAKE?!!?!?

when i got to the hospital i was like- "i NEED to get drug tested" so my parents will believe me. i dont even think i have weed in my system.

horrible hallucinations. they gave me ativan so the hallucinations wouldnt scare me so much and so i could fall asleep.

it made the hallucinations nicer, but they just became more believable. for the longest time, i was talking to yasma, but whenever i looked at her, she was my mom. as soon as i would turn away, shed be yasma agian.

a lot of people were talking to me who werent there. i kept smoking cigarettes that werent there.

somehow i got home and fell asleep.

im afraid of how this is going to affect my relationship with my parents. this is fucking horrible.

[Jul 5th]
went to drop my class today. took the placement test. however, before the test, i had a coffee with a shot of espresso.

and then i start feeling SICK. like my whole body is tingling my heart is racing my teeth are grinding.

from caffeine.

what the hell.

ive had 4 espressos one after the other before and felt fine.


i feel shitty. im gonna play guitat and take a nap.

[Jul 3rd]
whenever someone says- "now if we do happen to kiss tonight...not saying that we will....."

you are definatly going to kiss that night.

joint cheifs of staff [Jun 30th]
[ mood | pensive ]

i am amazed at your veiw of life cause i feel like i was there when i most certainly was not

patronising before but SO serious now.

life goes on, it is hard to realise that NOTHING is static, everything changes every second and even the things that do not change, your perspective of them will change and then it will thus be changed because it will be changed in your eyes.

nothing is static. everything always shifting. like a bucket of water, time is still time and SEEMS the same, but infintesimally it chnges (because we are all each infintesimal) each molecule in a different orientation ech second. every second that bucket of water will never be the same as it had ever been in any other second of all of history.

but in the grand sceme of things, if you zoom out far enough, it is still..just a pail of water.

this is how life is and its hard for me to come to terms with.

things will ALWAYS change. nothing can ever stay the same. time will still be TIME just like the bucket will still be the bucket, but nothing can ever stay still. ever.

its hard. and i will never be there. i cannot see the past intimately if i was never there.

does this even make any sense at all? i am drunk.

but i DO mean it though. its sad.

i wish i could live in the past. my time is running out.

i give myself at most three years.

and i too, will no longer be static.


[Jun 30th]
[ mood | distressed ]

the world so full of unpleasantries, only one solvent can wash it away.

and i let it. and i did tonight.

just saw Boys Dont Cry. yeah. maye that would be one of those aforementioned unpleasantries.

and i think yasma is really mad at me (and she has the right to be)

and so i try to dissolve dissolve dissolve.


(wait, why is the emoticon for "distressed" a smile?)


i entitle this- i see the glass as half full....with vomit [Jun 28th]
nothing like stomch flu/food poisoning to help you lose a couple pounds for bikini weather.

and that my friends, we call looking on the bright side.

and hey, with the way this fever is making me hallucinate, its like getting high for free. and the stumbling and delerium is a close match for being drunk.

yes yes, i'd have to say that this is mighty fine.

btw this was completely tongue in cheek, just in case the sarcasm doesnt translate across the intarweb (and it often doesnt)

have you ever noticed... [Jun 28th]
that in EVERY indie movie the kid calls his parents by their first names and has sex with people way older than them?

...........just saying. it always happens.

Ephesians 5:18 [Jun 27th]
18 "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit

i feel like a hypocrite.

im gonna go eat some pizza.

i liked this. [Jun 26th]


My orientation is

active, activist, beautiful, bitch, brunette, dominant, extrovert, female, femme, femme-loving/fucking, friendly, grrl, hella gay, homoflexible, LGBT, left-brained, lesbian, lipstick lesbian, out, passionate, pervert, pro-sex feminist, quirky, radical

What's yours?

[Jun 25th]
im a prop comic.

sub pop records = :)


Madonna has failed to sell out the first night of her British tour.

gnarls barkley

dancing. im wearing glasses.

did i mention gnarls barkley? cause i did.

[Jun 24th]
[ mood | energetic ]

ok so...we went to shady acres. hung out for a bit.

then watched hills have eyes at amy's.

then saw boondock saints midnight movie and we literally filled an entire row all of us. i was like DAMN. i didnt know anyone except me and laura were going but like EVERYONE we knew was there!

HELLA FUN NIGHT. and sober. amazing.

i had a coffee and espresso (best drink ever. black of course) how did no one else think of this before. but i dont think i can sleep.

which segues(pretty sure i spelled that right) into the fact that its 3am and i am leaving for pride at around 10 tomorrow.

which segues into HOLY SHIT I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO GO TO PRIDE SINCE I WAS 10! i am BEYOND excited. you have no idea.

and THAT segues into holy shit i am soooooo sexually frusterated now i am even finding some males attractive. weird. all i know is if my UGLY ASS DYKE co-worker can get some at last years pride, this mildly attractive femme lesbian should be able to get something tomorrow.

just saying.

so excited.

best weekend of all summer? oh, i think so.


[Jun 22nd]
[ mood | horny ]

the world is a weird and confusing place when i find a guy attractive. it is a very very rare occurance (considering the fact that im basically attracted to EVERY GIRL IN THE WORLD), but it happens.

and it is VERY weird.

it was 102 degrees today. ghey. my house is like 90 degrees right now at 11pm.


sweat all over.

my shirt is nice. it shows my tits :) i like it.

i need a girlfriend like woah.


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